Steve draws insights from astrological events, the lunar calendar, and the spin of toilet water. (Illustration by Shannon Cay)

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Correction: Last week's horoscope should have been published the week before last week. The mention for Geminis of the collapse of a “massive sinkhole under your house” should have been published the week before it happened. The Hauxeda regrets the error.

Here is my second Hauxeda horoscope. It is for the week of Sunday, April 7, 2024.

Feb. 19-March 20

You're human. We all make mistakes. Yes, you needed protective eyewear to look directly at the solar eclipse. When we said “things are lookin up,” that's not what we meant. This is a good time to visit a medical professional.

March 21-April 19

Don't be afraid to let trusted others know of your secret plans. Explain exactly what you want to accomplish and get others on board with your enthusiasm. Dom, in Cell Block D, knows which surveillance cameras are down.

April 20-May 20

Relationships are important to you. You are caring and empathic. So much so that your spouse is sick of it and plans to leave you today for someone less caring but better looking.

May 21-June 20

Don't let tomorrow be limited by who you were yesterday. Think outside the box. It's OK to legally change your name. It'll be months before your parole officer knows you've absconded.

June 21-July 22

We all must face the realties of our lives. You're not that funny.

July 23-Aug. 22

Make today what you want it to be. Seek out whatever is calling your heart. If there's a lunch at work with no one's name on it, it's yours.

Aug. 23-Sept. 22

You have long felt a sense of disconnection, alienation, of not belonging. Seek the truth. It's out there. There's a reason your birth certificate says Roswell, New Mexico, without parents or a year of birth.

Sept. 23-Oct. 2

Your intuition is running high. It's possible that vivid dreams will clue you into something going on under the surface in your life. But that's not what's happening. Dreams are just dreams. A random firing of neurons. Have any of them ever come true? I didn't think so.

Oct. 24-Nov. 21

Your vehicle's plate number was caught on license-plate readers seven times last night. Your face is clearly visible on the video from the jewelry store. You have always been able to make difficult decisions. Make this one: Turn yourself in.

Nov. 22-Dec. 21

Venus is rising. Taurus the bull is descending. And Leo the Lion is doing something, too, but I'm not sure what. Figure it out yourself.

Dec. 22-Jan. 1

Today is the day you show everyone the best version of yourself. People will be shocked to see you upright.

Jan. 20-Feb. 18

You're on a roll! You're making things happen in your life! It may be that you've been holding back what you could really do until now. Or it may be because you've been lying to people that Johnny Morris is your real father.

Editor's note: In March 2023, Steve Pokin took a first crack at writing a horoscope. We want to remind you that this horoscope is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual humor is purely coincidental.

This is Pokin Around column No. 172.

Steve Pokin

Steve Pokin writes the Pokin Around and The Answer Man columns for the Hauxeda. He also writes about criminal justice issues. He can be reached at His office line is 417-837-3661. More by Steve Pokin