Editor’s note: We welcome a new monthly column on the topic of “neighboring” from David Burton, County Engagement Specialist with University of Missouri Extension.
OPINION |
A variety of authors and researchers have sounded an alarm over the last decade about the decline of positive neighbor relationships in the United States. Most agree that the state of neighboring in the United States is poor.
Neighboring is the art and skill of building relationships with the people who live in the closest proximity to you (behind the eight closest front doors).
It is vital to have a specific target when talking about neighbors, or we are tempted to only think of people we like and normally associate with as our neighbors.
In his classic book, “The Art of Neighboring,” Dave Runyon put it this way: “The problem is that when we aim for everything, we hit nothing. So when we insist we're neighbors with everybody, often we end up being neighbors with nobody.”
Four years ago, Runyon's book caused me to realize that I had not been the best neighbor. We didn't throw loud parties, and we had a kept yard, but we were indifferent to those living around us. Since then, we have made personal changes and have launched the Engaged Neighbor program professionally.
The goal of the Engaged Neighbor program is to encourage the development of engaged neighbor relationships (learn names and share experiences), foster healthy neighborhoods, develop grassroots leaders, and fund neighborhood connectors.
Being a good neighbor offers tremendous health benefits, reduces crime, reduces loneliness, improves communities, is a preventative measure against having difficult neighbors, and improves your quality of life.
Nearly nine out of ten Americans (86 percent) now say they like their neighbors, according to a recent Xcelerant Omnibus survey conducted nationally on behalf of Fathom Realty.
It is important to note that other national research has shown only 10 percent or less of Americans know the names of all eight neighbors adjoining their property. So, people may have answered the Fathom survey based only on the neighbors they “know,” which could be a minority of people living near them!
A landmark study on “good neighbors” by State Farm (2015) found that a sense of community among neighbors is a constant desire across generations. That study also showed that 50 percent of Americans do not take the time to get to know their neighbors, and 37 percent do not want to interact with their neighbors beyond a friendly wave hello.
It's like I have been living next to a gold mine, but I was too busy to know there was gold right next door.
Author dave runyon
Americans today have limited time and attention and more ways to spend it. It is not that we are making an active decision not to talk with neighbors. Instead, we prefer to spend our time texting friends, chatting online, or watching television. This means Americans are growing further apart and talking less with people who have different opinions.
As Runyon wrote in his book, “I am learning that there are people right around me that have incredible things to share with me and others. It's like I have been living next to a gold mine, but I was too busy to know there was gold right next door.”
To improve the state of neighboring in the United States, we have got to start asking: what good things might happen if you got to know the people living next to you and they got to know you?
