OPINION|
This month I turn one of the big 0’s. From my years of celebrating the “0's,” I have recognized different behaviors, pursuits in life, and grace from society. First, let me share that there is no extensive research behind my theories, nor have they been published anywhere else. They come only from years of personal observation.
Turning 10 was a big deal to me. My Dad said, “Now that you’re double digits, you can start working, doing chores around the house, and outside.” I didn’t know that turning double digits would forever change my life, but it did. Assuming more responsibility boosted my confidence as I completed age-appropriate tasks.
Although the teens are not a part of the 0’s, it’s still a season where everything is on a whack-a-doodle cycle. As of yet, there’s not been a decade where change hit me as much as between the ages of 10-20. Bras, menstrual cycles, and body changes were introduced, all of which I totally hated. Friendships were simple and everyone played together on the playground; then boys' and girls' hormones kicked in, and all of a sudden, round eyeballs turned heart shaped. Geez!
The most flexible decade, from my experience, is in your twenties. It’s when you receive grace from society to make crazy decisions and drastic changes. Older folks will say, “You’re only young once, and one day you’ll not have the flexibility to change your mind or be adventurous.”
Typically during this decade, you decide what profession or trade you want to pursue as you enter adulthood. Who cares if you change your mind in the middle or late twenties? — you have a few more years to decide. Many are getting married and having children, and their income goes from nothing to something. Someone will tell you that at the age of 20 if you invest $50, you’ll be a millionaire by the time you’re 70 years old.
But the twenties can also be a pressure cooker. This is when you lie in bed awake trying to figure out how to save an extra $200 a month. At 21, I was sleeping on a hide-a-bed sofa that I bought at a garage sale. My only extra cash was the change stuck between my car seats. The twenties are also when the pressures of, “When are you going to get married?” and when you do get married it changes to, “Why haven’t you had children yet?” Lighten up, folks. Let the twenties continue being those carefree years of limited worries and pressures.
Thirty! This is a fast-paced decade. You’ve landed in a career and already experienced some ups and downs and possible setbacks. If you’ve decided to get married and start a family, responsibility has now fully kicked in. You have monthly expenses and bills that are arriving on time: mortgage, credit card, food, clothing, gas, utilities, and haircuts. This is when you wonder if Aunt Kelly is still cutting hair and if she would mind cutting your entire family's hair for $20?
Balancing time with spouse, kids, work, friends, and fun is at an all-time high. In this decade, half of all first marriages end in divorce, with higher divorce rates ahead in second and third marriages. The reality of life hits and you’re trying to balance and figure things out. My advice — slow down! Create a happy and chaotic chart, and make sure there are way more happy times than chaotic. Recognize what needs to be changed and make those changes.
Just when you think you didn’t get enough rest in your thirties and things couldn’t get more real, you turn forty. If you’re a family person, your car wheels are hot with after-school practices, games, school events, and church plus all of their extra events and vacations.
If you’re working, you’re evaluating where life has taken you, and if you’re not careful, you can slip into the comparison game. “Sally got the promotion a few years ago and look at her.” “Did you see the Jones’ new house?” “Wow, their kid is amazing; did you see what he can do?”
Can I just be blunt? Don’t let this decade hold you captive in the comparison game. Your little Johnny doesn’t have to be the star athlete, and Susie doesn’t have to make straight A’s. What your kids need is to know you’re there for them and that you love them very much. They now are going through the double-digit phase and most definitely need to know you care and that you hear them. During this phase, I chose to stay home with my kids and I don’t regret any second of it. For some this may not be an option; however, setting quality time aside for each child is important. This season is short and well worth the time to invest in your kids, your family, and yourself.
The fifties welcome some harsh realities. Your kids leave the nest, and whether there’s a parental scorecard or not, as a parent you either feel accomplished or not. The house becomes quiet, and you realize you have more fuel in your tank. In your career or workplace, you begin deciding how well you’ve done and how many more years until retirement. You feel the young professionals breathing down your neck, perhaps desiring your position and yes, they will take a little less than you are being paid.
Vacations with the kids are rare since they now have their own lives. Your parents start aging and the reality of taking care of them sets in. The market has plummeted and soared causing your gray hair to increase as you look at your retirement account. You either exhale with relief or gasp. Now, you begin looking at your successes and failures, and start pondering how to step into the next era for another fantastic decade.
With more time on your hands, you look at new hobbies, volunteering, and perhaps travel. Your solid friend group is vital during this stage as the “coffee and cake” time becomes a discussion about life and, well, getting older.
On August 12, I turn 60. My hope is to have a decade of intentionality with family, people, my faith, and my involvement in the community.
I’ve reflected over the years and am thankful for each decade. I have learned from my mistakes and stored the memory of my successes. I am thankful for the blessings God has given me that money cannot buy: my family, friends, and happiness.
My magnifying mirror reminds me of my life’s journey, full of happiness, stresses, pressures, and adventures, all of which are reflected on my face. I hope to end this decade with more laugh lines.
A bit of advice, life is precious and it does go by very fast. Seek happiness and step into the “why not now” and enjoy life. Recognize those wins and let the losses go. Give yourself some grace and others, too.
Let your mirror show you’ve laughed more than not. Remember, age is only a number. It’s how you live the decades that count.
